I'm Not Perfect Either

Just the other day my wife said something like, "Remember that episode of (some sitcom) where they met a doctor that was wearing (some odd outfit)?"  I racked my brain trying to remember this doctor, and couldn't.  Then she added, "You remember, she had that (further description)?"  Upon hearing the word "she" in that last sentence, I immediately remembered the episode and character my wife was referencing.

When she'd said "doctor", I'd immediately pictured a man, and trying to match up a male character with the rest of her description kept me from remembering the character.  It was an instinctual, sexist moment on my part.  It wasn't intentional, but it's one of those little bits of internalized sexism that says a lot about our society.

To use someone else's example, it's like when a someone says, "Bob killed his neighbor's wife" instead of just "Bob killed his neighbor".  It's a distinction that's difficult for most people to notice, including myself.  Both phrases are technically accurate, but the former shows how deeply ingrained sexism can be.  The wife is Bob's neighbor too, why does she have to be identified by her relation to her husband?  It describes the wife as if she's not her own person, but someone's possession.  If it was the husband that was killed, you would probably never hear "Bob killed his neighbor's husband."

I'm afraid that my blogs come across as I'm holier-than-thou.  But a lot of the sins I point out in society, I'm guilty of as well.  That's how I know them so well.  I identified them in myself first.  Remember, I was born in a Christian Republican family, and kept those values until after college.  I might be evangelistic about my liberalism, atheism, and gender issues, but I'm not saying you're stupid for disagreeing with me.  I'm saying I used to think that too, and here's what changed my mind.

But more importantly, I'm not saying I'm never wrong.  To this day, I still say and do little things that are racist, sexist, or homophobic.  Identifying these mistakes is part of the journey to being a better person, and I'm still on that journey.  I don't hate people for making mistakes on their own journey, I'm just disappointed with people who refuse to take the journey at all.

No one is perfect, especially not me.  I'm trying to be a better person, and I hope you are too.