Back to the Office

Well, it was fun while it lasted.  After working from home for a year and a half, I'm finally back in the office.  Currently I'm alternating at-home weeks with weeks in the office, but I'm sure full time at the office is only a few months away.  It wasn't until I started working in the office again that I really started to realize how superior it was to work from home.

I think my biggest complaint is their reasons for wanting us back in the office.  We were doing just fine at home.  There's very little that needs to be done in person.  But it came down to two things.  Some customers mentioned that they could hear noises in the background when they called us, such as television, children, and dogs.  The other issue is they just "wanted to see more faces in the office" which sounds like a sweet "we miss you", but actually means they want to be able to watch us and make sure we're really working.

Here's some of the advantages I enjoyed working from home:

Saves gas and time.  I lose almost an hour a day driving to and from work.  That's more than 300 hours a year that would be better spent watching TV.  And now I have to start budgeting for gas again, in a year when the price of almost everything went up.

Fewer distractions.  YMMV on this one, but I personally work more efficiently at home.  I know some coworkers probably get caught up on Facebook and who-knows-what-else when they aren't being supervised, but that hasn't been a problem for me.  I don't even keep the TV on in the room I work in.  I'm not saying I've never glanced at the internet while working from home, but the point is, I can schedule those distractions for when work is slow.  But when I'm in the office, I'm constantly overhearing other people's conversations and phone calls, making it difficult to concentrate on my own work.  I sit near one of the doors to my area, and just the sound of the door opening and closing every few minutes drives me crazy.

Dress code/Decorum.  To be fair, my work doesn't have a very strict dress code.  But I still work faster when I'm comfortable, and I'm more comfortable when I can dress the way I want.  At home, I could even wear a skirt if I wanted.  Plus I save money by putting off haircuts longer.  I can also belch if I want, and I save money on deodorant.

Better equipment. My work mouse and keyboard suck.  But they are functional, so I can't really put in an IT ticket just because I don't like the style.  I suppose I could bring in a mouse/keyboard from home, but I don't want to carry them back and forth, and I don't want to spend my own money on office equipment.  Also, there's an issue with the phone where they can't have my phone software installed on both computers at the same time.  I actually to have to forward phone calls to my cell phone while I'm in the office, because the software is currently tied to my home computer.

Safety.  There is still a pandemic going on.  Sure, I'm vaccinated, and our office has taken a lot of safety precautions.  But given that there's no pressing need for us to be in the office, it sure would be safer to just keep us home until there's fewer daily COVID deaths.

But that's not to say working from home is 100% perfect.  Here's some of the advantages of working in the office:

Physical duties.  99% of my duties can be done from home easily.  But there's still a couple of things that can only be done in person.  We're talking less than 10 minutes of my average workday, but I still feel guilty that someone else has been having to do these duties.

Smells better.  My desk at home is right next to a litter box.  I try to keep it clean, but the office still smells much better.  

Easier training.  I'm not currently in training, nor am I currently training anyone else.  But our office loves cross training, so sooner or later I will have to train with someone.  This is very difficult when you're not in person.

No connection problems.  In the past 18 months, there were maybe three days when my internet went down for a couple of hours.  At least one day the power went out.  There were also a couple of days where the internet was just plain slow.  We almost never have these problems at work.

Using company resources.  As long as I'm in the office, I'm spending less on pens, water, toilet paper, electricity, and so on.  But it probably doesn't offset spending more on gas.

Health/Exercise/Hygiene.  I haven't left the house much in the past year, and I wouldn't be surprised if I put on a couple of pounds.  It couldn't hurt to get a bit of sun now and then too.

Vehicle health.  I didn't drive much in the past year, and atrophy can be bad for a car.  The money I saved on gas could very well get spent on repairs if I'm not careful.

Better equipment.  I know I complained about my work mouse and keyboard, but I do like my monitor setup better at work.  I don't strictly need two monitors for what I do, but it does make certain tasks easier.

Errands.  I pass right by Walgreens on the way to work, so I'm already in the area if I need to pick up a prescription.  We're also less likely to waste money having fast food or groceries delivered if I'm already out.  

Bottom line:  I know I listed more individual things as advantages of working at the office, but the few advantages of working from home outweigh them.  The fact is, working from home is cheaper, more efficient, safer, more comfortable, and better for the world as a whole.

Fast Food Woes

I never wanted to be one of those “kids these days” old fogies.  You know, the ones who fail to realize that it’s not the kids who have changed, but our perception of them as we reach certain ages.  But here we are.

I have always stood up for fast food workers.  The world is full of people who’ve worked nothing but cushy office jobs, who often look down on fast food workers as if it’s the easiest job in the universe.  But let me tell you, there are a lot of dangerous or back breaking jobs I would take before I went into fast food again.  Fast food work is tiring, sweaty, and thankless.  Honestly I would rather work my current job at fast food pay, than work in fast food again at my current pay rate.

That said, what is going on with service lately?  It’s probably just coincidence, but this has just been a very bad week for me, service-wise.

On Tuesday, I picked up Taco Bell after work, and found that the lobby was closed.  No biggie, except that it was the second time this month that the lobby has closed early.  The first time, one of the employees told me it was because they were understaffed.  If that location keeps having staffing issues, that’s probably a management problem.  I’ll admit that when I worked fast food, I occasionally closed early.  But I’m talking five or ten minutes early, and only if it looked like the world was dead outside.  The owner even encouraged it.  But lately I’ve been encountering more and more restaurants that close the lobby hours earlier than their posted hours, only taking drive-thru orders.

On Wednesday, we ordered DoorDash.  The first order never arrived.  We saw a car start to pull up to our house, then drove off.  A few minutes later we saw what we think was the same car off in the distance, stopping at a different house.  This is when the driver marked it “delivered”.  We believe they gave the food to the wrong house, and whoever lives there just took it without saying anything.  We contacted DoorDash, who refunded our money right away, plus $10.  We immediately used the money to order from somewhere else.  This time the driver did fine, but whoever made my wife’s calzone misread “green olives” as “green peppers”, rendering it inedible to her.  She just couldn’t catch a break on dinner that night.  We’ve been using DoorDash, UberEats, and GrubHub for about six months now, and I have to tell you, something goes wrong at least 50% of the time.

On Thursday, I picked up Burger King on the way home.  The lobby was closed, much earlier than the posted hours.  So I went through the drive-thru.  The employees weren’t exactly rude, but they were very stoic.  No smile, no “thank you” or “have a nice evening”, they just used the minimum words required to get the order taken care of.  I saw they had at least five employees working, so I’m surprised they felt they had to close the lobby.  Maybe some fast food restaurants are starting to do that so they don’t get robbed.  If so, they need to update their signs.  Anyway, they also got our order wrong, by putting onions on my poor wife’s burger.  I know they heard me because the receipt had it listed correctly.  It’s enough to make me go on a Joe Pesci-style rant.

I filled out the surveys for both Taco Bell and Burger King.  If the managers don’t know their employees are closing the lobby early, they need to be told.  As much as I want to side with the employees, that’s a serious thing.  If you’re turning customers away, that’s not much different than stealing from the company.

As a customer, I avoid doing things that bugged me when I was an employee.  I never go into a fast food restaurant that closes in less than ten minutes.  It’s not about what time you walk through the door, it’s about what time you leave.  If you know it usually takes five minutes for them to make your order, and you walk in four minutes before they close, then as far as I’m concerned, that’s premeditated trespassing.  You know your actions are going to keep you in there after their posted closing hours, and that makes you a criminal in my eyes.  When I was working at a Subway that stayed open until midnight, I once had a guy walk in at 11:59 and say, “Whew, just made it.”  No, no you didn’t.  “Just made it” would be coming in at a time that had you walking back out the door at 11:59.  You, sir, are a dirty, low-life reprobate.  Of course, I didn't actually say that.

I know from experience that managers have unrealistic expectations on how long it takes to close a restaurant.  They’ll give you a list of closing duties that have to be done before you leave, a list that honestly should take about an hour, but they’ll tell you to be out of there fifteen minutes after closing.  The only way to keep your job is to start some of these duties in the last hour before closing.  A last-minute customer’s order may only take five minutes, but they can cause you to stay an extra twenty minutes.  Because now you have to re-mop the places they walked, you have to re-clean the drink machine they messily used, and redo all kinds of other little things that wouldn’t occur to people who’ve never worked in fast food.  The managers don’t care that the final customer brought in more money than the extra twenty minutes they now have to pay you.  They never make that kind of connection.  If you weren’t out in fifteen minutes, it must be because you’re lazy.

But that’s just one example of how I try to be understanding to fast food workers.  My point is, the employees I’ve encountered lately aren’t like I was.  Yes I was lazy, and apathetic, and I took shortcuts wherever I could.  But my customers never would have known.  I did everything with a smile, a please, and a thank you.  I had many a customer piss me off, but I doubt any of them ever knew it.  To their faces, I went the extra mile.  Behind their backs, I cursed them to fates worse than the lowest levels of Hell.  But the point is, I made sure they got the same fast food experience that I would want to receive myself.

And that’s all I’m asking.  If they want to make fun of me after I leave, that’s fine.  If they want to gripe about that customer who had the audacity to order a burger without onions, I have no problem being the bad guy.  But at least keep your lobby open the posted hours.  And keep the onions off my wife’s burger.  With all the food allergies people have these days, an extra ingredient is practically attempted murder.

I’m not asking fast food workers to be perfect.  All I’m asking is that they work at least as hard as I did back when I was a lousy employee.  That can’t be so hard, can it?

Perception

My brain doesn’t work right.  I have trouble communicating with other human beings.  I perceive the world differently than most people.  Or maybe everyone feels like that, but I don’t hear them talk about it.

I don’t enjoy discussing my hobbies.  “Riiiight,” you say, having read my past blogs.  But it’s true.  I like lecturing about my hobbies, but not really discussing them.  I’ll write long-winded blogs, or have mostly one-sided conversations, but I have difficulty engaging in two-way dialogue about activities I love.  On some level, I view all conversations as instructive.  If the other person knows more about the subject than I do, there’s no point in me speaking except to ask questions.  If the other person knows less than I do, then I have the compulsion to share all my knowledge to the point that they can’t get a word in edgewise.  It’s not healthy, and I don’t know how other people enjoy two-way conversations on a more equal basis.  I’m afraid I might be alienating people, alternating between being too quiet and being a know-it-all.

When I play D&D, I take notes so I can post session recaps on my blog.  But multiple players have told me that I always get the details wrong.  This bothers me because I’m writing down what happens as it comes out of the DM’s mouth.  Sometimes I even read the published module to confirm some of the events (I never read past our current spot, scout’s honor).  If my memory and another player’s memory disagree, it seems like mine would be the right one; I have the notes to back it up.  But even the DM has said to me, “I always love reading your blog the next day so I can see your version of events.  I’ll read it and be like, ‘That’s what happened?  Cool!’”  He’s nice about it, even complimentary – “That’s way more exciting than the way I remember running it” kind of thing.  But you don’t know how frustrating it is that I take all these measures and still get the details wrong.

I know part of it is that I don’t always catch sarcasm.  If a player asks if the vampires we’re fighting sparkle, and the DM says “Yeah, sure,” then guess what’s going in the blog.  This is made worse by the fact that, in my experience, D&D players tend to be unusually sarcastic people.  Some of this would be rectified if I interacted with people more.  I would eventually get used to all the verbal inflections that indicate sarcasm.  But in-person social interaction gives me anxiety, and being around too many humans makes me tired.

I’m also not good at reading between the lines.  Some DMs will describe exactly what we see, but let us draw our own conclusions about what it means.  Sometimes it’s intentionally obvious that A+B=C, but I still end up with W.  If the DM describes a fountain surrounded by corpses, I’ll be the one assuming that the water tastes so good, even the dead want to try it.  If our characters find themselves locked in a room while a two-headed ogre bangs on the door, I’ll be the one asking if we should let him in, because maybe the two-headed ogre is in trouble and needs our help.

I recently realized that I had a major misconception about a plot point in Avengers: Infinity War.  Gamora says something along the lines of, “I found the map to the Soul Stone, and I burned it to ash.”  I always interpreted “it” to mean the stone, not the map.  Meaning she destroyed the stone.  And that’s why Thanos had to sacrifice her to get the stone back, because that’s how you reforge an Infinity Stone that’s been destroyed.  And being the Soul Stone, it requires the soul of a living being to be recreated.  I talked about the scene to several people and in a couple of blogs, speaking as if everyone shared my interpretation of the scene, because I had no reason to believe differently.

But that’s not what happened.  She burned the map to ash, so Thanos needed her memory to guide him to the stone, and the only reason he has to sacrifice her is because (as Red Skull explains if I would just listen) obtaining the Soul Stone works differently than the other stones.  Honestly, I like my version better, but I’m still embarrassed by my misconception.  And I have these misinterpretations All. The. Time.  I know I’m not the only one to make these mistakes, but they just seem to happen more to me than anyone else I know.

I don’t know where to go from here.  I don’t feel like an adult, but a lot of people say that.  Sometimes I wonder if I’m actually mentally handicapped, and the rest of the world is just humoring me.  I’d think I have Imposter Syndrome, except those are people who don’t believe they deserve their accomplishments.  I have no accomplishments, so I can’t say I don’t deserve them.

Right Now

So this is what’s been going on in my life lately:

A few weeks ago, my wife had to get surgery again.  This is her third operation in three years.  In 2015 she had to go to the emergency room for diverticulitis (blog here).  Last year she had to get part of her thyroid removed.  This month’s surgery was for a hernia that developed as a result of the 2015 operation.

Money is extremely tight.  I am almost done paying off the medical bills from the 2015 and 2017 operations, but right now I’m getting bombarded with bills from this year’s procedure.  I’ve had to call a ton of different offices to arrange monthly payments for different balances.  Plus, of course, my wife can’t work right now.  She took a full month off work (without pay), so we’re out her income for that time period.  I make enough money to pay all the bills, but that’s about it.  We rely on her income to pay for groceries, gas, and other sundries.  So we’re going to be living on Ramen noodles for a few months.

I’ve got the bill schedule worked out, for the most part.  We’ll be doing slightly better by the end of November, and things will continue to improve each month.  By March I should have all the medical bills paid off, maybe sooner.  It’s mostly just getting through the next month that’s going to hurt.

When she had the emergency three years ago, we started a GoFundMe to help with the bills.  I’m not going to do that this time.  I’m still embarrassed about doing it last time.  But we are in just as bad shape as we were then.  I laugh it off on Facebook, but things are bad.

Finances aside, it’s been a difficult month.  She’s in terrible pain, but she’s improving.  At least this time she doesn’t have a huge open wound we have to take care of.  I’m having to do more around the house, which is fine except for the cat boxes.  My problem is two-fold:  I am allergic to the dust, and I am easily grossed out.  Sure, fine, call me a wimp, I deserve it.  But I’ve never been able to get used to that aspect of cat ownership.  I try, I really do.  But when scooping cat litter, I find it very hard not to throw up.  Combine that with my allergies, and I’m just a sniffling nauseated mess for hours afterward.

And then of course there’s the car.  One of our cars is having engine problems.  It looks like it might be an easy fix, but I simply don’t have the time, money, or energy to think about it right now.  I don’t care if it’s a $15 part I can install myself (and it might be).  I just can’t deal with it until life normalizes a bit.  I still start it twice a week so the battery doesn’t die, but that’s all I can commit to right now.  The good news is that our other car works just fine, and my wife can’t drive right now anyway, so there’s no vehicle conflicts.  Not that there would be, since she works at home.

And of course, I’ve got a few health issues of my own, that I keep having to put on the back burner.  If we can just have two years in a row where my wife doesn't need surgery, maybe I'll have the money to look into my own problems.  God I hate our capitalist medical system.

One of our cats had a stroke earlier this year.  She’s okay now, but she’s on a special diet and medication.  Yet another expense.  Also, we’ve had to separate her from the rest of the cats, so she has her own room now.  This house is small enough as it is, but one bedroom has been designated for a single cat.  I’ve had to put some of my hobbies on hold for a while because of it, due to the space limitations.  I love that cat, but it’s asking a lot.

It’s not just money, it’s sanity.  Some RPGs have “sanity points” that can be lost or gained, and going over a certain threshold can have major repercussions for your character.  When talking about depression, people often use the spoon analogy – that you wake up with a certain number of spoons, and doing certain activities costs a certain number of spoons.  When you’re out of spoons, you simply don’t have the energy to deal with anything else that day.

Changing the cat litter costs me a lot of sanity points/spoons.  I could probably get a few back if I could find some time to relax with my hobbies, but those aren’t doable right now.  The time I do spend relaxing right now is ruined by anxiety – How long am I going to get to sit here?  Do I even have time to load up a video game or get my paints out?

And then there’s everything going on in the world today.  Politics are hitting home in a way that they never have before.  I don't really want to rant about politics right now, but the government is worse than it's ever been in my lifetime.  Look, it's no secret that I'm a liberal democrat, but I used to be able to tolerate the Republican party.  For me, politics has always been about voting for the lesser of two evils.  Sometimes your party doesn't win, but life goes on.  But this administration is making mistakes too big to ignore.

Donald Trump isn't a Republican.  He's just an asshole.  And too many Republicans like him just for not being a Democrat.  If you voted for Trump, I forgive you.  But the best thing you can do right now is admit you were fooled.  If you still support Trump after all the racist, misogynist, transphobic, classist crap he's done, then I know it's for one of three reasons:

1. You're completely avoiding the news, or you're in such incredible denial that you think Fox News is the only credible source of current events.

2. You'll vote for anyone with an "R" next to their name.  Fine, be that way, but I never want to hear the phrase "yellow dog democrat" again.  EVER.

3. You are such a self-centered bigot that you don't care who gets hurt as long as they aren't a white male like yourself.

Dear Republicans:  You can still be a good Republican and hate Donald Trump.  I promise you, you can.  He is making your party look bad.  I truly believe that he's going to go down in history as one of the worst presidents ever, but the Republican party doesn't have to go down with him.

Nixon is often said to be "the most popular president nobody voted for."  But you won't be able to deny you voted for Trump like you did with Nixon, not when we can just scroll down your Facebook feed and find all your pro-Trump memes.  If you care at all about what your grandchildren think of you, withdraw your support now.

These next elections could literally decide the fate of the world.  I’ve already voted in this one.  If you haven't voted yet, please consider voting Democrat.  I don't care if you're Republican - remember, Trump isn't.  Trump is just Trumpican.  I've heard several former Republicans say variations of the following lately: "I didn't leave the Republican party, the Republican party left me."

I know it sounds counter-intuitive, but if Republicans really want the Republican party to survive, they need to vote Democrat in the next few elections.   If the Republicans start losing by a landslide over the next few years, maybe they'll get the message.  Maybe instead of being so openly bigoted, they'll go back to just being what they used to be.  But they need a wake-up call first.  They need to know that Republican voters won't take it.

I promise you, the world isn't going to end if the Democrats get in power again.  Let the Republicans earn it back, by transforming their party back into something less extreme.

But that's all wishful thinking on my part. I don't know if people have changed, or if they're just less shy about their true colors now.  I see all the pro-Trump posts on Facebook, and it absolutely amazes me the things people aren't afraid to say.  If Trump were impeached tomorrow, it still wouldn't make a difference to me, because now I see the world differently.  

I am severely depressed.  This is not the world I want to live in.  These are not the people I want to think of as fellow Americans.  When did we go from "Great American Melting Pot" to "Caucasians are the master race?"  Why is it okay to appoint a rapist to the Supreme Court, but transgender people aren't even allowed to use the bathroom?  Why is bigotry considered acceptable behavior now? 

Despite all the crap going on, overall I'm pretty lucky.  We have decent medical insurance, with an annual out-of-pocket maximum that keeps us from going bankrupt.  Best case scenario, we’re currently even.  Maybe we can find the money for actual groceries, or maybe we have to eat nothing but canned beans and Ramen until Christmas.  But I’ve got the bills covered, and we will survive.

But here’s the thing:  Absolutely nothing else can go wrong until March.  I’ve used up all my backup money, called in all my favors, redeemed all my freebies.  If our primary car has suddenly develops an engine problem, we’re sunk.  If our refrigerator dies, we’re sunk.  If another one of our cats has a vet emergency, we’re sunk.  Sure, some of these emergencies could be financed, but I won’t have the money to make the monthly payments.  We are going to have to be very lucky to make it to March.