Monday, April 17, 2006

"Men Have It Easier"

I received this in the e-mail today, I've received similar ones before, but it's still cute...


Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics may tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Wrinkles and gray hair add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected, as is the fart. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase, sometimes none! You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life.

Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24th in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier. Send this to the women who can handle it and to the men who will enjoy reading it.


Heh, the Monty Python song, "Isn't it Awfully Nice to Have a Penis" keeps going through my head.

Yes, it's just humor, but it does bring up some valid questions. In the past, when I've mentioned wanting to be female, I've been accused of thinking that women have it easier. Some people say, "You just want to be female because you want to stay home from work and have a man provide for you." On the other end of the spectrum, some ask, "Why would you want to be a woman? Man have it so much easier!"

You know what? I do believe women have harder lives than men. I do believe they have fewer advantages. I believe that women aren't respected enough by men, and I believe that women are often treated as if they were children. I believe that a woman has to work twice as hard as a man to achieve the same status. And I don't believe any man in his right mind would want to change sexes just to make life easier.

Whatever you are right now: If you were in some spiritual waiting room, with a completely gender-neutral mind, waiting to be born, and you had the choice... you'd probably pick male. Assuming you'd done your research.

But all that's beside the point. I don't have a gender-neutral mind, I have a female mind. And it's pure torture to be in here. It's like putting the brain of a squirrel in the body of a dog... its instincts would keep telling it to climb trees and forage for nuts, but its body wouldn't be able to comply. It would probably go crazy.

But that's how I feel. I know it's odd to wish for a harder life, but I have to be me. I've spent 30-odd years (some of them VERY odd years) trying to get comfortable in my skin, and it's just not working.

Anyhoo... a little update... I told my brother about my gender issues, and he was very supportive. My mother is next.

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