Transgender Fiction: Flesh and Blood

I just finished reading the novel Flesh and Blood by A. E. Dooland.  This is the sequel to Under My Skin, which I blogged previously.

Not to get too spoilery, but to recap: Under My Skin introduced us to Min Lee, a stressed-out Australian/Korean woman who eventually realizes she is transgender.  Min meets a schoolgirl named Bree, who feels like a live action anime character.  Min faces prejudice at work and has to deal with the challenge of coming out to her doting boyfriend Henry.  While it ends on a high note, you know that there are many more challenges in Min's immediate future.

In Flesh and Blood, Min has to deal with family issues and money problems.  Now presenting as a man full-time (though non-binary), Min realizes that he just can't bring himself to tell his mother.  He tells her a few lies to give himself more time, but those lies only cause Mom to text Min more often.  Meanwhile, Min also meets Bree's dysfunctional family, and makes some terrible financial decisions.

I found many aspects of this book relatable.  Bree's brother specifically reminds me of my brother-in-law.  Both sets of parents are so set in their ways, that it's damn near impossible to change their minds, just like some relatives I know.  And of course, money is always a problem with me.

Min makes some huge mistakes in this book.  There were points where I was practically yelling at the book, “You shouldn't do this, what are you thinking?” …even though I make similar mistakes.  Min's justifications are realistic, and while sometimes I felt like calling him an idiot, I can understand the pressure that led to these rash decisions.

What I love is that I can see the other characters’ points of view, even the ones who aren’t particularly nice.  Min’s mother is controlling on a level that I would call psychotic.  But she also sacrificed a lot to give Min a good life; working awful jobs so she could put Min through college.   She thinks she knows what’s best for Min, and she wants to live vicariously through her daughter, so she doesn’t care if Min doesn’t want the same things out of life.

Parents should really consider this.  If you child is suffering from depression, really ask yourself: are you one of the sources of that depression?  And if so, do you have to be?  Why?  Is it really worth losing your child forever, just because they aren't living the life you would have chosen for them?

If you feel that whatever you are doing is protecting them, are you sure they’re better off?  I’ve known a lot of overprotective parents, and I’ve known parents who gave their children too much freedom.  Invariably it was the overprotective ones that did the most damage.

So while Under My Skin is a novel every transgender person should read, Flesh and Blood should be read by every parent of a trans child.

So I’ve now read all three of the books set in this universe.  I'm currently rereading the third book, "Solve for i", which is more of a spin-off than a sequel.  I accidentally read it first because I didn't know it was a series at the time, and this time I'm picking up a few things I missed the first time.  Solve for i is still my favorite of the three.
 
I hope Dooland releases more books in this universe soon.  I would especially like to see more of Gemma Rowe, my favorite character.  Solve for i also introduced a character named Mikey, who doesn't get a lot of screen time, and who might have a backstory worth telling.  Hint, hint, @asynca!

And The Voyd Would Be Calling

This is a wonderful comic I read on Tumblr:
"Helen finally gets to chat with Karen" by Yamino

For those who don't want to click the link, a summary:  Voyd is a character from the Incredibles 2.  Some fans have speculated that Voyd is transgender.  A Tumblr artist called "Yamino" has taken this idea and run with it, drawing several Voyd-related comics.  In this one, Helen Parr sits down to chat with Voyd.  Voyd reveals that her parents rejected her because they couldn't accept her powers or her gender identity.  Helen is very accepting, and invites her over for tacos.  There's some sequel comics in which Voyd meets and interacts with the rest of the Parrs. There's a chronology page here: Chronology

I've read this comic at least a dozen times now, and I'm not even sure why I find it so compelling.  It's not a particularly deep story, it's just a short conversation between two off-duty super heroes. And yet, reading it satisfies some primal need for being accepted.  All I know for sure is that whenever I read the comic, it releases endorphins.  It's like some strange "acceptance porn".  And frankly, it pisses me off that we live in a world that makes such a comic necessary.

I'm currently reading "Flesh and Blood" by A. E. Dooland.  A full blog will come later, but basically it's about a transman who is stressing about coming out to his mother.  The mother is the kind of woman who will do anything for her daughter... as long as the daughter lives exactly the kind of life the mom wants her to live.  Meanwhile, his current hosts are so accepting that it once again reminds me of the above comic.

The mother feels like she sacrificed so much to put her daughter through school, and she wants her child to get married to a wonderful man and have many children.  But the daughter would rather be a man herself.  I haven't finished the book, so I don't know yet what the mom's reaction will be when the truth comes out, but I can't bet it won't be good.

It seems like a lot of parents live vicariously through their children.  I don't think this is unhealthy in itself, as long as those parents still let their children make their own choices.  If your dream was to be a musician, but your child shows no interest in music, don't force the kid into living your dream.  Simple, right?  Don't pound a square peg into a round hole.

Having a transgender child should be even more of a no-brainer, because it's not a choice.  You can choose whether to transition, but you don't actually choose to be transgender.  That's a state of being.  Abandoning your child because they're transgender is like kicking them out for being left handed.

Transgender people are already one of the most suicidal groups in the world.  According to some sources, more than 40% attempt suicide at some point in their lives.  I've been close.  Trans people need more emotional support than just about anyone.  Abandoning them is practically attempted murder.

So it's not the life you wanted for them.  So what?   It's better than no life at all, which is what you're driving them to when you kick them out.

There's a meme that says: "I don't understand why people think that having a LGBT+ child means they failed as a parent.  Disowning your child means you failed as a parent." I think that pretty much nails it.