Transgender Fiction: Under My Skin

A while back I posted about some lesbian romance books I've been reading.  One of the books was called "Solve for i" by A. E. Dooland.  I didn't realize it until I was done reading it, but it was actually a spin-off of two other books: "Under My Skin" and "Flesh and Blood".  So I read them in the wrong order, oops.

Under My Skin is about Min Lee, an Australian/Korean woman with oodles of artistic talent.  She has an excellent (but stressful) job, and a wonderful boyfriend.  Her life isn't perfect, but it's stable.  That is, until everything gets shaken up at once.  She is given the lead on an important project at work, she becomes friends with a hyper schoolgirl, and she begins having confusing thoughts about her gender identity.

I’m kind of glad I read them in the wrong order.  Min’s story gets so hopeless as the novel approaches its climax, that I was starting to get stressed out myself.  It was a relief to partially know how things turn out.  I swear, though, Lemony Snicket has nothing on Min Lee. 

If I’d had half as many things go wrong in one day as Min does, and I also lived in a 26^th floor apartment with a balcony… well, all I’m saying is I’d be tempted.  There've been times when a lack easy access was the only thing that saved my life.  This is one of the reasons I don't own a gun:  I don't need that kind of temptation lying around.  But (and I'm trying to avoid spoilers here, but it needs to be said) the book has some of the best anti-suicide arguments I've ever seen. 

Sometimes I thought the book was a little repetitive, but it works.  Min’s thought process is cyclical like mine.  It's probably common among trans people - constantly talking yourself in and out of taking self-affirming risks.  Heck, half of my personal blogs are variations of the same whine.  I'm also redundant, I repeat myself, and I say things over and over.

Gemma from "Solve for i" is a side character the story.  She's a friend of a friend who has a couple of significant scenes with Min. I still relate to Gemma more than any fictional character I've encountered, but Min Lee is pretty relatable too.  Even though she's* the exact opposite of myself (she's FtM and I'm MtF), Min's feelings are very similar to mine.  How she discovers her issues, how she feels about having to dress in the wrong clothing every day, loathing the person she sees in the mirror... these are so much like my own issues and experiences that it made the book feel very personal.

*note, since Min is FtM, I should probably be referring to her as "he".  However, for reasons given in the books themselves, "she" is less confusing.  Min is non-binary and doesn't care about pronouns, and some of the other characters continue to call her "she" throughout.

Since she's my opposite, my inner transwoman balked at some of Min's distaste for the things I want so dearly.  I was reminded of something Data said to Spock on Star Trek: "In effect, you have abandoned what I have sought all my life."  But I can still relate to it in more general terms.  The cis people in the book ask a lot of the same questions and make the same anti-trans arguments I hear in real life.  Min's own inner debates mimic mine.  I really feel for her, and there were times the book made me cry.

Since this book was written by an Australian author and takes place in Sydney, it was neat seeing the little differences between American and Australian culture.  It was even more interesting seeing how much was the same.  Most of the time life was so similar that I forgot this was taking place on the opposite side of the world.  I don’t know what I was expecting, but I aside from having to google a few words now and then, nothing really confused me.

If you are trans, you will find a lot of familiar things in this book, and may even find it life affirming.  If you are cis, you may come away understanding trans people a little better.  There’s a positive message at the end that’s so powerful, I really wish everyone would read this book.

This series is such a joy to read that I'm giving them the greatest compliment I can give an author:  I'm not taking them off my Kindle when I'm done reading them.  I know I'm going to read them again someday, probably soon enough that I don't want to have to redownload them. They're worth reading, and reasonably priced.  But... do try to read them in the right order.

I still need to read Flesh and Blood.  It takes me a long time to finish a book, and Dooland tends to be a little verbose (in a good way), so it might be a couple of months.  But I will post here when I'm done.