Wednesday, November 8, 2006


Note: This blog entry was moved from another site, and a lot of the formatting didn't quite follow.

Why is gender is an issue at all?

Why let gender define me?
Why not just be "Matthew",
And do whatever feels good at the time?
Can one be "somewhat transgendered"?
And if so
Is it the "best of both worlds"?
Or the worst?

Some "normal" people will tell me that
at any given moment,
That's not a universal truth. they don't feel particularly male or female.
Many people relish their gender.
There's millions of manly men,
and gaggles of girly girls. are probably better off.
but those who don't care as much
I don't know which is the majority

Wearing pink doesn't
Being bored by Basketball make
Playing with dolls you
Not caring for cars transgendered

...but this isn't a mystery to be solved.

Mountains of evidence, or nary a clue, it's all the same.
It's my SENSE OF SELF that matters.

Sense of

Sense of sight
Sense of hearing tells me
Sense of touch tells me that isn't me in the mirror.
Sense of taste tells me that's not my voice I hear.
Sense of smell tells me my hands should be softer.
Sense of balance tells me I like fruity drinks, not beer.
Sense of time tells me I sweat like a brute.
selftells me I was born to walk in heels.
tells meI've been robbed of my youth.
who I am, what I am, how I feel.
My mind
swirls undecided decisions
with unexpressed feelings conflicts of interest.
The thoughts
the wants
the needs
change with the tides.
If I stop to think about it,
I am once again, inconsolable.
And so
I stay busy
and try not to think.
I avoid pondering
what could be
and I am calmed
for another month.

? ? ? ? ? ?
? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?
? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?
? ? ? When Where ? ? ?
? What will am Why ?
Who Am it I me? How
Am I? get going did
I better? with this
really? this? happen?
Can I learn to
live with this?
Can I get
used to it?
Do I have
to feel
this way?
I've lived
with it
this long,
there's no
reason I
can't go w
w another w h
w h 33 years h e h
h a like this. e r o
o t Except that n e w
why why It gets harder why why why why
why why Every year. And I why why why why
why why just don't know if why why why why
why why I can take much why why why
why why more. why why why why why why
why why why why why why why why why why

Everyone is created I have never been so ashamed of this country.
equal. We are endowed We tell the world that we are all about
with unalienable rights freedom. Freedom of speech, freedom of the
including life, liberty press, even the freedom to wear plaid pants
and the pursuit of with polka dot shirts. And though it took a
happiness. Assuming you long while, we eventually extended the basic
are a "good Christian." rights - those involving working, voting and
so on, to minorities and women, thus giving every adult American an
equal opportunity to make their dreams come true. So what happened?
Why do we let religion dictate our laws? Why do we show preference
to Christianity, when this country was founded on religious freedom?
Why can't laws stick to property and safety, and allow citizens to
decide for themselves what is or isn't "moral"? Equal rights? Not.

There is no point to this blog;
I'm just playing with the pretty colors.
When I'm done here I'll just log
off and then go eat some Krullers.

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