Saturday, February 29, 2020

Ode To A French Fried Taco

Twenty years ago, I had never eaten at Jack in the Box.  I had heard of the restaurant, mostly from movies and TV, but I always filed it away with other “out of my area” businesses like Tim Horton’s or In-And-Out Burger.  And then they started popping up all over Tennessee.  In the same way people joke about Starbucks (or, at the moment, Dollar General), Jack in the Boxes had a tendency to just appear overnight.  Seriously, I never actually saw one being built.  I would drive by an empty lot one day, then a Jack in the Box the next day.  They just sort of dropped out of the sky, the same way you place buildings in SimCity.

I still probably wouldn’t have eaten there, except I had an opportunity.  They were training secret shoppers (which they called "Jack's Guests"), and they would pay you to go to different Jack in the Box locations and eat food.  I had a full time job, but it was an easy way to make money on the weekends.  My Dad was also looking for a side job as well, so we attended training together. 

For the training, the Jack in the Box company actually flew us to North Carolina and rented us a car and a hotel room.  Sweet.  This meant I actually got to spend some time with my Dad.  It was probably the last time I got to spend any real time with him.  In our spare time we drove to downtown Charlotte to check out Ericsson Stadium (now Bank of America Stadium), which was only a few years old at the time.  I remember we talked about politics (it was an election year), and listened to a Jeff Foxworthy CD.

The training was neat.  They brought in a bunch of Jack in the Box food so we could try it, and see what it was supposed to taste like.  One thing I remember was the trainer telling us about the history of JitB, specifically the E. Coli outbreak in 1993.  The trainer put his foot in his mouth by saying, "But it's good that that happened, because it made us look at our process and now we're the safest restaurant around."  Then he realized what he'd said and completely lost his train of thought.  "Um, er, I mean, it wasn't good - I mean, four kids died - but still, good things came out of it..."

The actual job was pretty nice.  It didn't pay much, but it had its perks.  You record the time you leave the house and when you got back, so they pay you for the entire time you're out.  You drive to the location they give you - usually about three different locations per trip.  At each location, you have instructions on what to order (they reimburse you later), and whether to go through drive-thru or eat in.

Whether drive-thru or dine-in, you have to watch and record the times of three other customers, to see how long it took them to get their order.  You can't reveal you're a secret shopper, so you have to be careful not to tip them off.  So if recording the drive-thru, you have to find a parking spot where you don't look suspicious.  If dining in, you can't have your official papers out.

When you get home, you have to fill out a report with all the times, the quality of the food, the politeness of the employees, and so on.  Then you call an 800 number and read the report to someone else over the phone.  This was actually the most annoying part, because the line was almost always busy, and it took several tries to reach someone.  

Also, the people at HQ didn't all use the same standards.  Some thought all employee/customer interactions should start at "perfect", and you take away a point for each problem.  Others though all interactions should start at "average", and you add or remove points based on good and bad events.  I had to get a feel for who I was talking to before I could read them my ratings.

I was a good fit for that job, because there aren't a lot of foods I don't like.  They didn't want secret shoppers who had to ask for no onions, for example, because then you can't judge the item on whether it meets industry standards.  Unfortunately, my car at the time was a beater, and I had to quit the job after about a year when the car died.

I'm not going to lie, Jack in the Box food is not good.  That said, there's plenty on the menu I will eat, and even enjoy.  I actually like their eggrolls better than the ones at Panda Express.  They have a Homestyle Ranch Chicken Club sandwich that I adore.  When I really want to pig out, the Ultimate Bacon Cheeseburger is pretty good, but I feel like I've lost a year of my life whenever I eat one.

But the most perplexing item on their menu has to be their tacos.  They're absolutely awful, and yet, I get cravings for them.  If you've never had a Jack in the Box taco, here's the story:  The taco shells are filled with meat back at the factory, where they are shrink-wrapped, frozen, and shipped to the restaurants.  When you order one, they drop the shell - meat and all - into the french fryer.  When it comes out, they add a slice of cheese - the same kind that goes on burgers - along with lettuce and taco sauce.  If that sounds good to you, I'm telling it wrong.

The fact that it's fried with the meat already in it gives it an uneven consistency.  The parts of the shell that aren't touching meat become crispy and dried out, while the part touching the meat becomes soft and oily.  It honestly doesn't taste like this should even be food.  But something about it is addictive, and I find myself ordering them about once a month.

More recently, Jack in the Box introduced "Tiny Tacos".  God help me, I actually tried them the other day.  For $3 you get a box of 15 little tacos, each about the size of a Chicken McNugget.  These little tacos actually taste better than the full sized version, because the meat fills out the taco more, eliminating the dry/crispy parts of the shell.  

But for $4 you can get the loaded version, where they pour nacho cheese, chives, and taco sauce over your Tiny Tacos.  This is a whole different experience, because now you're basically eating nachos, except the meat is inside the chips.  As junk food goes, it's pretty good.  It really is crap, it has no nutritional value, and if you eat it every day, you'll be dead in a month.  But damn, if they aren't tasty.

Now I'm hungry.

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