Macabre Party Favors

KJ used to tell me that when she died, she wanted to be cremated and scattered somewhere pretty. Or alternatively, she wanted to be turned into a tree. With that in mind, Mom and I came up with an idea.

This Sunday we're having a "celebration of life" event for her. We've filled little vials full of her ashes, and we're going to give them to people who want them. The idea is that next time they go somewhere nice, like maybe a local park or on vacation, they can scatter the ashes, and that way KJ will be scattered all over the world (or at least the tri-state area). Or if they plant a tree, they can pour her ashes in the hole with it.

I'm not sure if everyone is going to see it the way I do, though. I mean, handing out vials of human ash like they were party favors? It could be seen as being in poor taste. Plus there could be legal issues, depending on where they scatter them.

I don't know. But I believe that KJ would have liked the idea, and that's all that matters to me.

Filling the vials wasn't easy. The vials are very small, and the ashes contain chunks of bone. I wasn't prepared for that. I'd been putting it off for a week, because it's one thing to pack up KJ's possessions, and quite another to pack up KJ.

But today's the last day we had time to do it, so I had to get over it. I'd spent a week telling myself, "It's just ashes. It's no different than how some of the dust in the house is made up of KJ's skin." But seeing the bits of bone hit me hard. I just look at it and think, "This used to be her. This is literally her." On the whole, keeping her ashes is only a few steps removed from having her body stuffed by a taxidermist.

We had to try a bunch of different methods, using various-sized funnels, but nothing worked very well. Mom finally just dipped each vial into the ashes while I took on corking duty. It's nice that we can still find wholesome activities to do together.

So yeah, maybe this was poor taste, or maybe it's a sweet, thoughtful gesture. All I know is that it's the strangest thing I've done in a long time.