The Joys of Herding Cats

Ugh, this week was a mess. I had to wake up to an alarm three days in a row, due to various doctor appointments and such. Wednesday morning was the worst. I had to get up at 5 AM (I work nights, so usually I wake up around 8 AM), wrangle the cat, and drive her across town to the cat dentist for her follow up appointment.

Finding the cat was the hard part. On Tuesday Kara heard us mention the vet, and she spent the next 24 hours in hiding. Smart cats are a pain. Wednesday morning she was hiding under the couch. This was probably the most annoying place she could have hidden, because our house is so cramped, that it’s difficult to move the couch. We had to move a few other pieces of furniture to get the couch away from the wall, only for Kara to hide under another piece of furniture.

I thought I had her, and then she just sort of dissipated. I blinked, she turned into a dust cloud. It’s a cat thing. We spent the next half hour tearing the room upside down looking for her. Upending furniture, moving various things around, trying to catch our breath. We’re not as young as we used to be, and moving furniture around at 5 AM is not how I like to wake up. I’d closed all the doors in the house so she couldn’t run into any other rooms. But the cat was just… gone.

Finally I pulled open the curtains, and she was just sitting in the window sill, laughing at me. I picked her up and put her in the cat carrier. Usually she fights me on that part, but this time she was fairly complacent. The last few times she went to the vet, I used up half the Band-Aids in the house. This time she growled once, but didn’t struggle or scratch me. I think she’d decided I’d suffered enough. I still wound up bleeding, though. Apparently there’s an exposed nail on the back of the couch, that I scraped against trying to reach her earlier.

It was an easy enough appointment, just a follow up. She’s recovered nicely from her oral surgery two weeks ago. She no longer has any teeth, and we’re still experimenting with finding the perfect wet cat food. When we got home, Kara forgave me as soon as I let her out of the cage. I’m very thankful that she’s caught up on her shots, so this is the last time she has to see a vet for a good while.

Dream: Gators and Beholders

Sometimes my dreams have a semi-lucid, fourth wall quality to them. I'll feel like I'm acting out the dream as if I'm making a movie, and all the characters are just actors. This means that I know I can't really be harmed, so I'm not scared no matter how intense things get. On some level I know every monster is just a guy in a suit, like the ending of Altered Beast.

Last night I was in a swamp, holding an alligator on a leash. The dream's "script" said that the gator was supposed to help me, to lead me to some bad guys like a police dog. But the gator kept biting me instead. Gator's gonna gate, I guess. The bites didn't hurt; it felt like he had Nerf teeth. But it was still annoying, and I kept yelling "No!" at it.

Then the gator ran off, and attacked a small child. It didn't hurt the kid either, but I still had to stop it. I jumped on the gator's head (oddly enough, I had played a bit of "Pitfall!" last night before bed) and it released the child. But then I was so angry that I started pounding on the gator like Ralphie fighting the bully in "A Christmas Story". 

That woke me up, but I fell right back asleep. 

The next dream had sort of a "Snakes on a Plane" plot, but the tone felt more like Alien. I was on a cruise ship, and a bunch of Beholders were loose, attacking the passengers. (If you're not a D&D player, a Beholder looks like a floating head with a single large eye, a gaping mouth, and a bunch of smaller eye stalks that can fire different kinds of magical beams).

But these weren't your typical D&D Beholders. One looked like a giant hand, with eyes on the end of each finger. Another looked like a beach ball, with smaller beach balls on its eye stalks. It could fire more beach balls out of its eyes, which would bounce around before exploding. That scene had a "Killer Klowns from Outer Space" vibe to it, with circus music in the background.

Another Beholder looked 8-bit, reminding me of the movie Pixels. It could summon Atari characters to fight for it, like the helicopter from Chopper Command. (Okay, I played more than just Pitfall last night). The helicopter attacked not by firing weapons, but by landing on groups of passengers. Another Beholder had a very human-looking face, giving it an uncanny valley appearance.

I didn't actually see any of these monsters defeated. I mostly spent the dream running around from room to room, running into different Beholders and watching them attack groups of passengers. The dream still had a movie quality to it - I never really felt like I was in danger, I just ran because it was "in the script". 

Even with all that going on, I still had time to stop and casually visit the ship's gift shop. 

Fun With Words

My wife used to work for Nielsen, the TV ratings people. When they send techs out to your house to put a box on your TV, that's called an "install". Makes perfect sense. But when they send people over to remove the box, that's called a... take a guess... a "deinstall".

Now of course, anyone who has owned a computer since 1995 is probably probably used to the word "Uninstall". But here's the thing, Nielsen has been putting boxes on people's TVs since before the home PCs were common. Nielsen's use of "Deinstall" may well predate the computer term.

Now personally, both words sound bad to my ears when I really think about it. The opposite of "install" should be something like "outstall" or "unstall". Do you say indoors and unindoors? Inside and uninside? Inner space and uninner space? No, it's outdoors, outside, and outer space. Granted, I don't know the etymology of "install", so maybe "uninstall" is perfectly grammatically correct, though I doubt it. In any event, I've gotten used to uninstall, and it would be hard to start using a different word at this point.

That's the thing about words. It's not about what is correct, it's about what you're used to saying. This can be annoying, because apparently I've been surrounded by people who say everything wrong my entire life. Here's a few I wanted to rant about.

Let's start early. Back in elementary school, it was standard procedure for budding physicians to inoculate each other against the most sinister of maladies. Of course I'm referring to Cooties. Our tried-and-true method had a 100% success rate: "Circle, circle, dot dot dot... now you've got your Cooties shot." You administered this vaccine by using your finger to draw a face on your patient. After drawing the outer circle, you drew three dots to represent the eyes and mouth. Or maybe that third dot was a nose? I don't know, I never completed my medical degree.

But during my discussions with colleagues as an adult, I've found that in the majority of the Cootie-inoculating world, they skip the third dot. Skip the third dot? Come on! How's it supposed to look like a face with only two dots? Besides, our method makes for a better rhythm:

Circle circle (4 syllables)
Dot dot dot (3 syllables)
Now you've got your (4 syllables)
Cooties shot (3 syllables)

Doesn't that make the rhyme work better? Look, I realize our method might not be the most preferred, but you can't argue with the results. We never had a Cooties outbreak that entire year, so those two-dot plebeians can suck it.

Here's another one that kind of threw me for a loop. How do you pronounce the second syllable of "Experiment"? I swear I've said "spear" all my life, and that's what it sounded like other people were saying as well. But apparently most people say "spare"? That might just be an accent thing, but I'm still surprised that I didn't notice other people were saying "spare" until it was specifically pointed out to me. Now that's all I hear.

You know the phrase, "You've got another thing coming?" Or is it, "You've got another think coming?" I've always said the former; I just recently heard the latter. Or did I? Have people been saying "think" all my life, and I didn't notice because they sound so similar? It's just as well. "Think" sounds just awful, and if I'd actually heard someone say that version in my presence, I probably would have set them on fire.

So, how do you pronounce GIF? Hard G (because it stands for graphic) or soft G (as the creators intended)? I've heard so many people argue about this one, attempting to use actual grammatical evidence. You know what? Those arguments are dumb - there are no actual "Rules of Grammar", just a bunch of precedents set by classist snobs. In any event, show me any "Rule of Grammar" that is consistently applied and I'll be shocked.

This is the only rule that applies here: When you create a new word, you have a responsibility to make the pronunciation known before people get used to pronouncing it a certain way. If you choose to sit on your thumbs instead, you're not allowed to get mad later. The GIF guys had their chance, and now they have to live with the consequences.

It's kind of like the "mice vs mouses" thing. Back in the 80s, before the average citizen owned a computer with a mouse, I read an article about the peripheral in a computer magazine. It said that when referring to a computer mouse, the plural is "mouses" instead of mice. And then, as far as I can tell, nobody ever mentioned it again anywhere. I hope the creators of the mouse aren't as picky as the GIF guys, because they made absolutely no effort to get people to say "mouses", and now that ship has long sailed.

Honestly I think most people are willing to learn, they're just not willing to relearn. Just look at me. When I type, I still put two spaces after every period. I know better, but this is how I was taught, and I have no intention of changing. If they didn't want us to type this way, they shouldn't have taught this way. Yes I know it's an obsolete holdover from typewriter days, but so what? Lots of things are obsolete but still popular, just look at the Republican Party.

This is why most people become more conservative as they get older. The human brain becomes more rigid as it ages, and less open to new ideas. I'm not immune to this. My eyes roll just as much as yours when kids start putting down "Friends" for not being as progressive as more recent TV shows. I recognize that a lot of 80s movies are "problematic" now, but that doesn't make me like them any less.

But I also reject a lot of the "older is better" crowd. People who prefer music on vinyl because it sounds "warmer". No, you just get nostalgic feelings because the scratchiness reminds you of how music sounded in your youth. VHS is coming back into fashion for the same reasons. How in the world are we supposed to explain modern concepts like "gender fluid non-binary trans masc" to people who think VHS is superior to Blu Ray? Most of the time it's easier to just explain it to their children, and wait for the older generation to die off.

Anyway, I believe I've lost track of the original point of this blog, which I think was something about words, but I'm too lazy to scroll upwards and find out. Peace out.

Back to the Office

Well, it was fun while it lasted.  After working from home for a year and a half, I'm finally back in the office.  Currently I'm alternating at-home weeks with weeks in the office, but I'm sure full time at the office is only a few months away.  It wasn't until I started working in the office again that I really started to realize how superior it was to work from home.

I think my biggest complaint is their reasons for wanting us back in the office.  We were doing just fine at home.  There's very little that needs to be done in person.  But it came down to two things.  Some customers mentioned that they could hear noises in the background when they called us, such as television, children, and dogs.  The other issue is they just "wanted to see more faces in the office" which sounds like a sweet "we miss you", but actually means they want to be able to watch us and make sure we're really working.

Here's some of the advantages I enjoyed working from home:

Saves gas and time.  I lose almost an hour a day driving to and from work.  That's more than 300 hours a year that would be better spent watching TV.  And now I have to start budgeting for gas again, in a year when the price of almost everything went up.

Fewer distractions.  YMMV on this one, but I personally work more efficiently at home.  I know some coworkers probably get caught up on Facebook and who-knows-what-else when they aren't being supervised, but that hasn't been a problem for me.  I don't even keep the TV on in the room I work in.  I'm not saying I've never glanced at the internet while working from home, but the point is, I can schedule those distractions for when work is slow.  But when I'm in the office, I'm constantly overhearing other people's conversations and phone calls, making it difficult to concentrate on my own work.  I sit near one of the doors to my area, and just the sound of the door opening and closing every few minutes drives me crazy.

Dress code/Decorum.  To be fair, my work doesn't have a very strict dress code.  But I still work faster when I'm comfortable, and I'm more comfortable when I can dress the way I want.  At home, I could even wear a skirt if I wanted.  Plus I save money by putting off haircuts longer.  I can also belch if I want, and I save money on deodorant.

Better equipment. My work mouse and keyboard suck.  But they are functional, so I can't really put in an IT ticket just because I don't like the style.  I suppose I could bring in a mouse/keyboard from home, but I don't want to carry them back and forth, and I don't want to spend my own money on office equipment.  Also, there's an issue with the phone where they can't have my phone software installed on both computers at the same time.  I actually to have to forward phone calls to my cell phone while I'm in the office, because the software is currently tied to my home computer.

Safety.  There is still a pandemic going on.  Sure, I'm vaccinated, and our office has taken a lot of safety precautions.  But given that there's no pressing need for us to be in the office, it sure would be safer to just keep us home until there's fewer daily COVID deaths.

But that's not to say working from home is 100% perfect.  Here's some of the advantages of working in the office:

Physical duties.  99% of my duties can be done from home easily.  But there's still a couple of things that can only be done in person.  We're talking less than 10 minutes of my average workday, but I still feel guilty that someone else has been having to do these duties.

Smells better.  My desk at home is right next to a litter box.  I try to keep it clean, but the office still smells much better.  

Easier training.  I'm not currently in training, nor am I currently training anyone else.  But our office loves cross training, so sooner or later I will have to train with someone.  This is very difficult when you're not in person.

No connection problems.  In the past 18 months, there were maybe three days when my internet went down for a couple of hours.  At least one day the power went out.  There were also a couple of days where the internet was just plain slow.  We almost never have these problems at work.

Using company resources.  As long as I'm in the office, I'm spending less on pens, water, toilet paper, electricity, and so on.  But it probably doesn't offset spending more on gas.

Health/Exercise/Hygiene.  I haven't left the house much in the past year, and I wouldn't be surprised if I put on a couple of pounds.  It couldn't hurt to get a bit of sun now and then too.

Vehicle health.  I didn't drive much in the past year, and atrophy can be bad for a car.  The money I saved on gas could very well get spent on repairs if I'm not careful.

Better equipment.  I know I complained about my work mouse and keyboard, but I do like my monitor setup better at work.  I don't strictly need two monitors for what I do, but it does make certain tasks easier.

Errands.  I pass right by Walgreens on the way to work, so I'm already in the area if I need to pick up a prescription.  We're also less likely to waste money having fast food or groceries delivered if I'm already out.  

Bottom line:  I know I listed more individual things as advantages of working at the office, but the few advantages of working from home outweigh them.  The fact is, working from home is cheaper, more efficient, safer, more comfortable, and better for the world as a whole.

Dreams: Darkness and Free Guy

Nothing big here, but last night I had a dream that was dialogue only.  I can't remember ever having a dream like that.  All I remember is that I was driving a car, and having a conversation with the passenger.  But the dream had no "video" whatsoever.  It wasn't like I was driving at night, it was just a pitch black dream.  The characters in the dream seemed to be able to see just fine; I never acted like I couldn't see where I was driving.  

I think I know what caused it - It was early morning, and I had already woken up once because of the light coming around the sides of the window shade.  I fell back asleep telling myself to keep my eyes shut, so I think that somehow triggered the dark dream.  Anyway, I thought it was interesting.

A few nights ago I dreamed I went to see "Free Guy", except the plot was different.  It took place in the real world, and Ryan Reynolds played a gamer who discovered cheat codes that work in real life.  For example, at one point he was at the ATM, but his account balance was only about $10.  Then he pushed some bricks in a specific pattern on the wall behind the ATM, and suddenly he had another $1000 in his account.

Think of the Children

A child was denied entry to school for not following the mask mandate.  The parents are arguing that they should have a religious exemption.  This sickens me.  The same kind of people who say, "Think of the children!" whenever two men kiss on TV, now say "Screw the children!" where COVID is concerned.  These people will literally sacrifice their children's lives for their religion.

It's just like the people who refuse to take their kids to doctors for treatable diseases, because their faith tells them to pray for the child instead.  Except this may be worse, because the maskless kid could infect others, and lead to multiple deaths.  How very Christian of you.  If we give religious exemptions to mask wearing, where does that end?  What other laws can I ignore?  

I've always felt, believe what you want, worship how you want, as long as it doesn't hurt other people.  But this hurts other people.  The virus doesn't magically avoid your child just because you pray for it not to.  If all it took to survive was faith, the COVID death rates would be a lot lower.  Plenty of those who have died from the disease were religious.

"Why didn't you protect me from the virus, God?"  

"What do you mean?  I sent you protective masks and a vaccine!"

PEOPLE. ARE. DYING.

My aunt and uncle recently went to hospital with COVID.  My aunt is currently recovering, but my uncle has sadly passed on.

I didn't actually know my uncle very well.  In fact, even calling him my uncle feels weird.  I was already an adult when my aunt married him, and I've only met him a few times.  But he seemed like a good guy, and my heart goes out to those who knew him.

My aunt and I don't see eye-to-eye on a great many things.  I haven't fought with her directly, but we definitely have different ideals and beliefs.  Just a few months ago she was posting on Facebook, talking about why she doesn't wear a mask when she goes out.  And no, she did not get the vaccine.

I'm not going to bash her for her beliefs right now.  This is not the time for "I told you so" or getting preachy about karma.  I'm not going to spend this blog acting holier-than-thou.  Not only would doing so be in bad taste, but also, I just don't want to.  

Because I don't see my aunt as a villain, I see her as a victim.  My ire isn't directed at her, but at a certain news program, a former president, and a political party that decided disease prevention was too big a strain on their freedom.  

I grew up in a Republican household.  I know how enticing their beliefs can be.  Much like the Devil himself, Republicans can twist scripture until evil sounds holy.  Once you're raised with that mindset, it can be difficult to break free.  

As my aunt's condition improves, people keep responding to her status updates, praising God for her recovery.  Her doctors and nurses haven't had a full night's sleep in over a year, but sure, give God all the credit.  The same God who allowed her husband to succumb to the disease.

Back in the 80s, many Republicans declared that AIDS was sent by God to punish gay people.  Now we have a disease that mostly kills Republicans.  I wonder what they make of that.

Even though my uncle died of a preventable disease, and my aunt has gone through hell the past couple of weeks, I still have other family members who refuse to get vaccinated.  Because they think the Fox News hosts know more about science than the people who have devoted their lives to studying medicine.  Meanwhile an even more contagious variant is sweeping the country.  To quote John Connor, "We're not gonna make it, are we?"

I probably shouldn't post blogs when I'm sad and angry, especially when family is involved.  I don't want to type anything I'll regret later.  So, to those of you who refused to wear a mask for political reasons, and who continue to avoid the vaccine...  Today you get a free pass.  I'll save my angry rants and insults for a later date.  At least until my uncle is buried, and my aunt is out of the hospital.  

But for the love of God, please get the vaccine.