Table Trek III: The Search for Shlock

So I’ve been looking for a new D&D group for over a year now.  I love my previous DM, he’s a good friend and an excellent DM.  But we just want different things.  He doesn’t like D&D Fifth Edition, but that’s all I’m interested in playing right now.  I’ve given his favorite games a fair shot, but they just don’t do it for me.  So I’m on a real life quest to find a decent group.  But there’s no time limit here, especially with the current quarantine, so I have the luxury of looking for a perfect group.  Okay, fine, perfect groups don’t exist.  But I’d really like to play with people I could consider friends while away from the table as well. 

For one thing, I’m tired of playing with Trump supporters.  Usually I don’t care about politics, and I try to avoid the subject at the table.  I truly don’t care if my friends are Democrats or Republicans.  But there’s a difference between a normal Republican and a Trump supporter.  A Republican believes that corporations should have more political power than citizens.  They’re wrong, but it’s the kind of wrong where we can agree to disagree on what’s best for the economy.  A Trump supporter believes that people of color are lesser creatures and don’t deserve the same rights as Caucasians.  This is not an opinion worthy of consideration or tolerance, and I do not wish to sit at a table with these people.

Yeah, yeah, "I thought Democrats were the party of tolerance," you say.  Look, better people than me have explained why tolerating intolerance is a danger to tolerance.  But the bottom line is, I don't feel safe sitting at the same table as someone capable of voting for that monster.  To vote for Trump is to say, "I don't care about the economy.  I don't care about the poor.  I don't care about foreigners, or non-whites, or GLBT people, or women.  The only people that truly matter are rich, straight, white men."  And being a Liberal SJW trans person, I doubt they'd want to be my friend either.

Given how many people additional people are dying based on Trump's mishandling of the current crisis, I'm amazed that anybody still supports him.  But based on my Facebook feed, his followers seem to be doubling down on the stupidity, and looking for any excuse to blame the current situation on Democrats.  Just a couple of days ago a former high school classmate posted a meme that said "Wash like you just shook hands with a Democrat."  But I digress, I came here to talk about D&D.

D&D has had a surge of popularity for the past few years, ever since Stranger Things made it mainstream again.  My social media feeds are full of people wanting to try it, but who can’t find a group.  Unfortunately none of them live in my area.  My ace in the hole is that I’m willing to DM.  According to reputable sources – that is, internet memes – DMs are highly sought after and have no trouble finding games.

So my thought was, try and find a group of GLBT players.  I know they exist, they’re all over my Twitter feed.  Very few of them are Trump supporters.  They wouldn’t even care if I showed up to a game wearing a dress.  So where do I find GLBT D&D players in my area?  A Google search didn’t find much.  I did join a Facebook group, but my posts there didn’t get much attention. 

So last July I had an idea.  The Nashville Pride Festival was coming up.  I would wear a Rainbow d20 shirt, and anybody who commented on it, I’d give them my contact info.  I even had some free business cards printed up.  I kept the cards in my pocket, and prepared to give out dozens.

Well, the first part of my plan worked – I got a lot of compliments on my shirt.  At least twenty people stopped me and told me how much they loved the it.  But social anxiety strikes again, and I didn’t hand out a single card.  With each compliment I just said “Thanks!” and kept walking.  If I can’t be comfortable there of all places, how am I ever going to meet enough strangers to start a group?  I don’t think I’ve ever been more disappointed in myself, and for the next couple of weeks I was deeply depressed.

A couple of months later, I got to play in a one-shot.  Someone in one of my Facebook groups was setting up a practice session in preparation for running a game at a con.  I could tell from the post that he was looking for a GLBT-friendly group.  Once again, social anxiety got the better of me, and I waited a couple of hours before hitting the “interested” button.  By then the table was full, but he allowed me to join the event as sort of a spectator/backup player.

I had a great time.  It was exactly the kind of diverse group I’d been looking for.  Several were newcomers to the game, which is great because I like helping people learn the game.  Most of them had just as much social anxiety as I do, which made me a lot less nervous.   Somebody mentioned Trump’s latest crimes, and everyone sighed and rolled their eyes in solidarity.  My kind of people.

Only… they weren’t interested in me.  I had to leave early (my wife had made us plans with friends on the same day), and when I tried to say my goodbyes, I couldn’t get anyone’s attention.  I had hoped to pass out a couple of my business cards in case any of them were looking for a regular group, but all of them just kept their noses in the game.  I’d spent so much time looking for a bunch of people who met my qualifications, that I never considered the possibility that I wouldn’t meet theirs. 

Yes, I’m taking it too personally.  In reality, they wouldn’t look up because they didn’t hear me, and were too focused on the game.  But it still hit me hard, and I was in deep despair for a few more weeks.  Okay, months.

I’ve just recently started looking for a group in earnest again.  I’ve got feelers out on several social media platforms.  I was hoping to try handing out cards again at this year's Pride, but then COVID-19 happened.  

So now I'm looking into online gaming solutions like Roll20 and Fantasy Grounds.  This might be a better solution anyway, because I can meet more diverse people online than in person.  But I still have to fight my own stupid fear of people, even online.  I will talk myself into it this time, I swear.